Inamin ni Hayden Kho Jr. na dalawang beses siyang nagtangkang mag-suicide at hinanap ang kaligayahan sa sex at droga.

Sinabi ito ng cosmetic surgeon sa interview sa kanya ni Donita Rose na in-upload sa YouTube channel ng actress-host.

Dito ay binalikan ni Hayden ang madilim na yugto ng kanyang buhay, kagaya ng pagkakasangkot sa controversial sex videos, paggamit ng droga, at tangkang pagpapakamatay.

Nagsimula raw ito nang pasukin ni Hayden ang mundo showbiz nung mid-2000s.

Noong una akala raw niya ay magiging masaya siya sa kasikatan at pera.

Pagbabalik-tanaw ni Hayden, “2005, 2006, 2007 I was having the time of my life. I was really enjoying my life.

“I was, in my eyes, I was successful.

“I was making lots of money, so I thought, ‘Okay, this is the good life.’

“And what I realized back then was that even if you have lots of money, that doesn’t bring fulfillment.

“So at the end of the day, when I’m alone in my bed, my problem was, yes, I have all this things, I have all this pleasures, but I still feel lonely. I still feel nobody knows me.

“For artists, actors, an image of them is created. People fall in love with that image.

“But that image is not you. So, yes, they love that image, but you don’t feel loved because you don’t feel known.”

Ito raw ang nagtulak sa kanyang hanapin ang kaligayahan sa maling paraan.

“What do you usually do when you feel lonely, when you don’t find fulfillment in money?

“You look somewhere else… maybe in sex, or drugs, or whatever, so I tried all those things that supposed to bring you pleasure and fulfillment,” pahayag ng celebrity doctor.

Noong 2008 daw niya unang tinangkang magpakamatay, pero hindi raw siya nagtagumpay.

Naging laman siya ng balita at tinanggalan ng medical license dahil sa kinasangkutang sex scandal.

Sinubukan daw niya ulit tapusin ang sariling buhay noong 2009, subalit hindi rin siya nagtagumpay.

Pag-amin ni Hayden, “I was just getting frustrated.

“I was just trying to be a good person. I wanted to be a good person. I was really doing my best to be a good person.

“When you are the problem, you cannot help yourself.

“There’s some sort of discipline that is required, but you need something outside you, you need a transcendent being or factor.”

Naisip daw niyang may dahilan kung bakit buhay pa siya.

Kaya muli, tinahak niya ang ispiritwal na pamumuhay na nagkaroon din ng maraming hamon.

Noong bata raw siya ay nag-aral si Hayden sa isang Christian school at naging worship leader pa. Pero naligaw raw siya ng landas.

“Somewhere along the way, pride crept in,” pag-amin ni Hayden.

Inisip daw niyang hindi niya kailangan ang Diyos dahil matagumpay na siya.

“I just rejected him. I did not consider Him important in my life, so I went on my own.”

Sumailalim daw siya sa drug at psychological rehab ng apat na buwan, pero hindi raw ito nagtagumpay.

Pumunta raw siya sa Arizona, USA, kung saan isang buwan siyang nag-meditate sa tuktok ng bundok sa loob ng 12 oras araw-araw.

Hindi rin daw ito nagtagumpay.

Noong 2013 ay sumuko na raw siya sa buhay, subalit yun daw ang panahon nang magparamdam ang Panginoon sa kanya.

“That was the day that God moved. Maybe God said, ‘Are you done trying? Can I try now?’”

Nakilala raw niya si Ravi Zacharias, isang Indian-born Canadian-American Christian apologist at author ng mga Christian books.

Itinuro at ipinakita raw sa kanya ni Zacharias ang tunay na pagbabago.

Ngayon daw ay masaya na sa buhay si Hayden, hindi man kasing laki ang kanyang pera gaya noong nagsu-showbiz siya.

Masaya raw siya sa piling ng asawang si Dra. Vicki Belo, anak na si Scarlet Snow, at konti ngunit mga tunay na kaibigan.

Narito ang buong interview ni Hayden kung saan ibinahagi kung paano niya natagpuan ang tunay na kaligayahan:

May mga grupo at organisasyon na pwedeng tawagan para sa mga nangangailangan ng tulong: Depression & Suicide Hotline by Natasha Goulbourn Foundation, (02) 804-4673 / 0917-558-4673 at ang Manila Lifeline Centre, (02) 896-9191 / 0917-8549191.